Pain cannot be avoided, but suffering is free

Paul Claessens | 26-08-2020

I recently read an article in which famous marathon runners were asked what possible mantras they keep in their heads during a race. My attention was drawn to the mantra 'Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.' So something like 'Pain cannot be avoided, but suffering is free'. Pain is therefore a given during such a long-distance race where the athlete is asked to do his or her best. Whether you consider that to be suffering remains your own choice.

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I had to think of the stimulus and response principle. Something comes in and it requires a response. What that reaction is is up to us and largely determines how we feel about it. The marathon runner is therefore free to view the pain as unwanted suffering or, for example, as a useful contribution to achieving success. For the more recreational runner; Do you see the pain as something that pushes you into a victim role or as a voluntary choice, a sacrifice as you wish, in order to remain physically healthy for as long as possible? Or even better, to stay physically and mentally healthy for as long as possible? 'Sound mind, sound body' as the slogan of a well-known sports brand.

So we always have the free choice how to respond. A positive mindset can be useful for yourself and those around you. We know it, 'the glass half empty or half full'. Various studies show that people who think from a 'glass half full' perspective are more satisfied with their lives than the so-called gloomy people. If you think in terms of abundance, you appear to enjoy life more than if your thinking is dominated by a feeling of scarcity. In fact, the chance that the future will develop in accordance with the visualization of your beliefs also appears to be high.

Based on this principle of 'self-fulfilling prophecy', statements such as 'success is a choice' or even 'happiness is a choice' are made. It may seem rather opportunistic at first glance, you may be terminally ill, but it does get to the heart of what it is all about. If the 'response' is not just an empty phrase but is based on deeply rooted principles and translated into a personal mission, then there is a considerable chance that the person in question will actually achieve the intended success or success through the resulting behavior. will experience happiness. It is essential for the formation of the mission that this is done from a clear vision of yourself and the environment and results in ambitious and realistic goals.

According to some behavioral gurus, it is not so much about the stimulus or the response but mainly about the space in between, i.e. the moment of choice. Is our response about the social mirror or the expectations of others on which we base our choice or does it result from a careful assessment of our deeper values, our conscience and our so-called life script? That is what is weighed in the space between stimulus and response.

In terms of development programs with the aim of achieving lasting behavioral change, we are talking about personal leadership. This can be included in one-on-one coaching and in various customized training courses, where I would like to mention Time Management separately. Traditional Time Management is mainly aimed at increasing efficiency. Doing as much as possible in the shortest possible time, using the necessary resources, tools and programs. The clock is central. However, if the choice of what time is spent on is always tested against what the person in question really finds important, then the personal compass is consulted. Then it is much more about Self-management. What happens in the space between stimulus and response therefore largely determines the quality of life. Carpe diem!

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