We all negotiate, almost on a daily basis. At work, but also privately. We negotiate about dinner, who will do the shopping, what the holiday destination will be. But we also negotiate about our salaries, about business deals, about the division of tasks within projects. We Dutch, with our polder mentality, are real negotiators. Negotiate determines to a large extent what we get out of our lives and how strong we are. And yet it is very difficult for many people. What makes someone a top negotiator? We have listed a number of features for you that you can also use to improve your own negotiation skills.

You can plan phased negotiations

Many people have the idea that a negotiation 'happens' to them and that no clear structure or planning is possible. The best bluffer wins! Nothing is less true. Especially if you are not completely sure of yourself during negotiations, preparation is worth its weight in gold. A negotiation has roughly 5 phases that you can explain in advance.

1. Preparation

Preparing well for the interview is crucial. Who are you talking to, what can already be found (online) about the person, who can you ask for insights within your network, what could be possible scenarios of the conversation. These are all points you can read up on.

2. The subject

What is the subject of the negotiation, the dispute? Try to find out and analyze as quickly as possible during the conversation what the core of the negotiation is about. You can work out various scenarios in advance to estimate them and prepare yourself optimally.

3. Poldering

Once the dispute is clear, you need to start bridging. Always make sure you are clear about your own boundaries in advance. Don't get carried away in the negotiation and you may end up giving in too much. Poldering must be acceptable to both parties to achieve a good outcome.

4. Agree

If you have the feeling that there is an agreement, you should try to make this concrete as quickly as possible. Not continuing to negotiate or fleshing out the details can create new barriers.

5. Evaluation

Evaluate the negotiation for yourself. What went well, are you satisfied with the result and what could you have done better?

Characteristics of a top negotiator

Analyzing a successful negotiator can be very inspiring. At Kenneth Smit we come into contact with many types of negotiators. We have listed a number of common skills for you.

Sincere respect and empathy

Fast guys who want to get their way, that's how we often see negotiators. Wrongly, because there is no room for pushback during negotiations. Top negotiators are characterized by a genuinely respectful attitude in which they try to empathize with the opponent. Only by empathizing will you reach the desired agreement.

Open and honest

As tempting as it is, it is not wise to withhold information or be dishonest during a negotiation. Put the cards on the table as they are, be open and honest about the situation. By using this approach, your opponent will see that you really want to find a solution together and are looking for a common solution.

Patient & disciplined

Negotiating requires an enormous amount of patience and discipline. You have to constantly pay attention and be able to deal with processes that may take months if not years. What about major political changes such as the health care system in America. It takes years if not decades to reach an agreement in such negotiations.

Sense of responsibility

If you do not feel responsible for the outcome, you are not the right person to conduct the negotiation. You will then be too easy or too rigid. You must have a personal sense of responsibility for the result. For example, the fate of the employees, in the case of an entrepreneur who sells his company.

Relativize

Finally, and not unimportantly, there must also be the necessary dose of humor during negotiations. In many cases it is good to be able to put things into perspective, especially in slow negotiations.